The wonderer's progress
musings on progress, religion, and true equilibrium
When we think of progress, we might think of it as an improvement, momentum towards something bigger or better, an attainment of something more. It might feel goal oriented, with an active, yang quality to it, or like a constant pushing or forcing for success. That’s certainly how I’ve thought of it in the past.
But what if progress has more of a receptive, yin quality? What if it's actually about coming back, retreating, not moving forward? What if it's about returning home, to our true selves, not going towards some where or some thing new? What if it’s an inner job, not an outer one?
I'm convalescing at the moment, following a nasty accident a few weeks ago that resulted in a forced pause from normal life, and I've been thinking a lot about progress. When people ask how I'm doing, I say I'm making progress. When I go to my medical appointments the doctors tell me they're pleased with my progress. And each day, the things I do are centred around the progress I can make. And that’s all good, but here’s the thing, the progress I'm making has a very different quality to that which I described at the beginning of this piece. The progress I’ve been making has been a slowing down into stillness and rest, it’s been a gentle tending to and caring for my body so that it can receive what it needs ~ restoration. The progress I’m making is a return to wellness.
You might argue, well that’s different Wendy, you’ve been unwell, of course your progress is going to be different. And I would agree. When we’re ill or in some other kind of pain that has knocked us off balance, our progress will be about restoring equilibrium. But perhaps the way we see equilibrium is all wrong? And perhaps there’s something we can learn from how we approach progress when we’re off kilter for when we’re living life ‘normally’?
At the core of Christian religion lies the doctrine of sin. Your own experience of religion will define your meaning of the word, but the doctrine of sin I grew up with (primarily through the convent boarding school I attended) was fear and shame inducing. It was about rules and power over. It was about domination and control. This experience shaped a self-view that I was fundamentally wrong. Like the words of this poem I wrote a few years ago, my being wrong is like ..the slow creep of shame from my feet to my face, like mercury rising..
But if you’ve read anything of Mary Magdalene or Julian of Norwich, you’ll know that their teachings tell us that sin isn’t about failure, about everything that’s wrong with us; it's about our forgetting who we are, the being we were before the world got hold of us and blinded us to our true nature. And that redemption isn’t about punishment or atoning; it’s about remembering and believing. And if you’ve read anything of the Eastern religions or philosophies, you’ll know that their teachings are centred around acceptance and compassion, not retribution. The complete opposite to what I experienced growing up.
What was your experience?
As well as shaping the distorted view I held of myself, my early years’ experience of organised religion also put me off it for a long time. I railed against all of it initially but as I reached middle-age, I began to explore what I saw as the kinder, gentler religions and philosophies of the old Celtic ways, the Tao, and Buddhism for example. In more recent years, my curiosity has been piqued about the faith I was born to, the faith of my close ancestors, and I’ve explored other teachings of Christianity that feel far more in tune with my heart.
I’m a great believer that everything we experience in life is preparing us for something in the future, so as I ponder on my convalescing and this word progress, I'm weaving the thread of my life so far. And I wonder if the way we’ve typically been seeing equilibrium is that we are fundamentally wrong and need fixing. And maybe we’ve seen progress as the doing of the fixing of all those things we (and others) think is wrong with us.
I’m wondering if perhaps instead we ought to look at progress as being about remembering, resting in our soul’s knowing that we are and have always been perfectly pure love, the true equilibrium.
Maybe progress is about doing less, not more, shedding and letting go, not acquiring or attaining, accepting and loving, not judging and fixing. Perhaps it's about turning towards all that is right about us, rather than fighting against all that (we believe) is wrong.
What are your reflections?
In truth, I reset my view of equilibrium some years ago. One late autumn morning, as the sun came up during my meditation, some words came to me. Words so loud and resonant, that they quickly burrowed themselves deep into my body, and they are words I have lived by ever since ~ wellbeing at the core. Their meaning and purpose have evolved over the years, but they still reside deep in my bones and guide my way through life. They mean my attention is on wellbeing/wellness for all, including our beautiful planet. They also mean the well of our being ~ our true selves ~ and my attention goes on remembering exactly who I am. This, to me, is true equilibrium.
What is it to you?
There are a couple of publications I read here that I have found interesting about the teachings of Mary Magdalene:
And, if you’d like to check out more about Julian of Norwich, the book I recently read was The Showings of Julian of Norwich, translated by Mirabai Starr.